Bottleneck – A Fight with Self

As I lose my Smile overtime,

It doesn’t feel “Alien” as they said it would,

“They” – Those who never felt the pain,

Those who have never been in such a situation, 

Now, I find it pretty tough to drop a smile while the camera hopefully looks at me,

It doesn’t expect much, It just captures your smile,

It narrates a story, The tears behind every beautiful smile,

Every time the flash hits my gloomy eyes,

I resist,

Not that I don’t want to smile,

Rather

Cheeks grew rigid over time,

So did the puffy eyes,

Carrying hundreds of stories within it,

Thousands of emotions trapped behind that face,

Screaming for that hypothetical freedom that was too expensive for its existence,

Too expensive to be mapped alongside my emotions,

I gave up for the hundredth time on the first page of my Diary,

I didn’t fear judgement being passed around like a soft toy within a group of infants.

I was too mature to react to this,

Had I overdone myself?

Was I exhausted to the brink?

Maybe, this is something that would go down on the second page of my diary,

If I hadn’t given up on my smile.

As I wrap my day,

I tend to traverse back to that one day,

I should not have challenged myself,

Maybe I should have just gone to bed early.

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