Dear Failures of Mine,
You have taught me a lot, and yes I admit the fact that I ignored you a few times, but couldn’t always. You know you are the one who taught me that “Comparison” can never be the key to Success. I remember having a talk with you that night when I failed miserably. I failed the simplest things that one can ever imagine. But you held me up, you hugged me so tight, I started to understand you better. People were always wrong about you. The way you paved a way for me, a way for my Success story. No one else could have done it so good.
I was always sceptical about my skills and talent, I was not sure whether I could ever reach my goal. You taught me how to take baby steps in order to achieve something big, something magnificent. Life was never easy on Me and neither did I ever give up, I just kept going, giving myself a sense of satisfaction with every achievement. But how long will this cycle stay? I’m tired now, not because I failed, I’m exhausted because my life doesn’t interest me anymore!
Was it just about the goals and achievements that mattered to me? , Was it all about some adrenaline rush and excitement when I achieved milestones? Maybe I turned things binary just for the sake of achievements. I understand that you played a vital role in deciding who I would be turning into. But, you’ve definitely triggered my insecurities, I got scared. I backed up a bit. I don’t know whether it was the correct thing to do or not. Alas, I would just hit the bed tired of you chasing me the whole time.
I agree that you, “the failures”, are an absolute part of my transition but you left an impact on me. Something that leads to sleepless nights and horrible mornings filled with to-do lists. I changed my lifestyle, changed my routine, changed the way I used to socialise, I cornered everything just to build myself into someone whom people would admire.
Well, now people do admire me, you might have thought that I’ve WON the game but I actually LOST it. I became anti-social and used to weigh my words before I spoke. People would never spot me blabbering. They knew I was a man of few words and hence expected me to be Perfect, but they failed to notice what I lost amidst this transition.
I Lost my SMILE!
My cheekbones and cheek muscles now no more remember how to Smile.
Maybe this is how it is destined to end, maybe it’s an ending to something that would give my life a new start.